What comes to mind?

When one thinks about infection, contagion and the like?

I took all of the parts that were going to make up Evan's toy and stuck them together to make a mishmash of facial parts clumped together, as well as a fleshy ball of what was the blank face sandwiched together. I have decided to work on it as a complete piece in of itself rather than with the thought that I was going to overlay it with my samples of tape encased with remnants of certain insects and remains of bodily things. I think they should be separated for now. As for the drawings the samples used to be on and under, I have no idea what to do with that as of yet. I kind of regret taking it apart for the sake of wanting the tape for something else, but to me they were two separate things that should of not been together in the first place. The drawings, no matter how abstracted they were, were forced to interact with the samples and any "concepts" clashed with each other. The sample tapes were flat on the paper and stagnant and the drawing was mostly overworked and heavy handed in most cases. I think by themselves the drawings may of worked but wouldn't of been made without the tape being there. If any of that makes sense. So one became three.
Sadly this means I'm even more delayed in showing any work online because of these several steps backwards to go forwards. I need to cut myself off at this and not pursue anything but these three ideas because I'd never finish anything in that case.

I might do more hand sewing stuff without the expectation that I want it to be a toy for Evan. Thats a different kind of pressure right there.

The good thing about all of this is that I see a direct connection in what I did at the end of college at the thesis show and I feel good about that. I felt so abruptly cut off from developing my work because it felt like "the end", as if that was the point where everything accumulated to even though I was left feeling unsatisfied and unfinished. Its no use contemplating what could have been if everything lined up from then and what my work would be like now, because that isn't how life works.

Well hello again from the depths of toddler hell.

Just kidding, mainly anyways. I need to remind myself that this is my art blog (that I never post in), and not a mommy blog. My facebook page is littered with every single thing Evan does as it is, hilarious or not. I am sure it will creep in here as he makes up a main part of my day.

Looking through the lists of artists for the upcoming Whitney Biennial has made me crave art just a little bit more, as well as feeling slightly more stupid than before. It feels like I've always turned wrong somewhere on a constant basis. What is the point of doing something when you do nothing with it? I will not and can not blame Evan in any way (and I really hate it when parents blame parenthood for not living up to their dreams that they had beforehand). I guarantee you that it would have been the same way if Evan wasn't here. Thats just how it goes. I just need to use my free time better and not play Sims Social...

Anyways I've been doing more sampling still, odds and ends and yet still more small drawings. I don't know what these drawings are exactly, seems like it is just added confusion on top of confusion. Attempting to make a Mr. Potatohead like face for Evan to stick face parts on but its not going so well. I am very tempted to do something else with it, because I think once Evan gets his hands on it he'll just rip the velcro off. I'll figure it out.

I just noticed that this post is almost exactly 2 years after the last post, a couple of months before Evan was born. Kind of made me laugh, especially at the thought that the last post was probably all hormone driven.